Day one of radiation is on the books. I am using a TomoTherapy based device. It looks and feels like I am being stuffed into a large donut, and I wear a mask that kinda makes me look crazy. The team at the radiation clinic is awesome, the actual process of getting set up and treated with radiation is like 15 minutes total. It is pretty darn impressive.
As of right now physically I feel good. The tumor was so big that it was causing serious migraines and double vision so the past 4 to 6 months are kind of a blur. It is weird to say that I am currently feeling better even though I am now battling cancer, a strange reality to live with.
A brief moment of honesty.
So far one the harder things to come to terms with is how long I may have to live. I know that in my video last night I toasted to 20 years, but frankly that would be a miracle (which I am of course praying for). My treatment team has been pretty vague on the issue which is both good and bad, but from what they have said I could have 2 years, 10 years or that miracle of 20. What makes this so hard is the things that I may miss, the aisles I may not get to see my kids walk, the trips I may not get to take Kim on. That is a much tougher pill to swallow. That said, if I have 2 years left I am going to live the hell out of them.
Life is too short to be holding grudges. So I just want to encourage those of you that are reading these posts to forgive those that have hurt you. I don’t think that necessarily means you need to go up to them and tell them they are forgiven, I think it means more of letting go of the anger and pain they may have caused you. Right now I am working through a few of these issues myself and I must admit as I am able to process and let go I feel much better.