People have been calling me an inspiration, which I must admit is quite the compliment to receive. Lately though I have chatted with a few fellow cancer patients that are either currently in the fight or at the tail end of their treatment. Some convos have been helpful and others hard. A strange thing that happens when you walk through this is that you lose a certain amount of your filter. For me that loss of filter has manifested largely as positivity, but for others it's fairly harsh frankness which is both good and bad.
So why the heck do I even bring this up? I do because it leads me to ask, what if I become a miserable ass, what if I become un-inspirational? I am not trying to be a downer, I just want to be realistic. I could lose eyesight, I could become lethargic, or just a plain old grump.
Now I should remind you that I am the praying type and I am chatting with God about this. Asking for His help with how my body responds to treatment, and how I just react to this whole process of treatment mentally and emotionally. It is my desire that no matter how I feel I can handle this process with at the very least a modicum of grace and dignity.
I didn't intend to be over spiritual in this post, but frankly, facing what I am facing causes one to think about what matters most. In the Bible there is a story about servants that were entrusted with their master's money and one of the servants multiplied what they were given while the other servants did not. Here is what the master had to say to that servant, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!’
I don’t know how long I have here on earth, and I don’t know how I am going to react (physically, mentally, emotionally) to this healing process. That said, I hope that I live my life like that servant and when I do meet my Maker he greets me with 'Well done, good and faithful servant! Come and share your Master's happiness!"