Yeah, for real, I slept through Alma's 2nd birthday party. Let that fact soak in.
Ok, soaked in? Let's make it worst. It was a party we even invited some friends over to celebrate. That is how jacked up the baseball sized tumor had me. My neurologist told me that I most likely had this tumor for years and that only recently it mutated and grew. Grew and messed with my head.
In other posts I have praised Kim for taking care of me the past month. The reality is that it needs to be known how much she put up with these past 6 or so months. I was practically a zombie, just checked out and uninterested in anything really (It was funny how quickly after my surgery I was back to Youtube watching my favorite channels). Kim really put up with a checked out husband.
The haze over the months leading to my surgery was thick, there is quite a bit I don't remember. I have some good memories of Kim and the kids from that time, but to be honest most of the past months is a blur. When you are dealing with constant migraines and intermittent double vision you don't tend to retain as much as you normally would.
I was chatting with a fellow cancer patient today, and I told him that I feel a bit like an imposter. That I shouldn't be feeling so well. My sister-in-law's (bro-in-law's wife) mom hit the nail on the head when she saw me for the first time. She said, "I didn't know if you would be sickly or not." Which is what I wrestle with. Shouldn't I feel sicker than I do? Shouldn't I be bed ridden? I mean it is brain cancer.
That said, thank God that I am not feeling sick. Thank God that I can take care of the kids, clean the house, and give Kim time to get out of the house. Hopefully that will remain to be the case. That his my prayer, that is my goal for this fight.
.An Assignment - Tell someone you love them. Even if it is awkward as hell, look them in the eye and let them know that you love them and go as far as to tell them what about them you love. People need to hear that, people need to know that they are of value to others. You will make their day, or it will be super awkward and that is ok to.