I am sitting on a huge couch with my wife and father-in-law, the table in front of me is strewn with hunting magazines, bowls of popcorn, and the remains of gin & tonics. My father-in-law is falling asleep as he and Kim watch Sherlock Holmes, the movie not the series, Robert Downey Jr. is as per usual kicking someone's ass. Tonight is the last night of a mini-break with the kids and the in-laws, full of episodes of Band of Brothers, drinks, walks on the frozen over lake, and delicious food. Most of all it was a time of rest for the family and time for us to just be.
It is fair to say that we followed the assignment from my last post, and we followed it well. It was a weekend that we all needed. Kim's parents have been so good to us, taking the kids so we can get out and about together, helping us around the house, and just loving us well. The kids had a blast playing by the fireplace, trucks and blocks are all over the floor, and they giggled while being pulled in the sled. Kim had fun spending time with our kids and her parents.
Once Sherlock figured things out I asked Kim how the trip went. She told me that she had fun, that she wants more time here, but that I was distant. And to be honest she was right. While her dad and I spent time together I could had made more of an effort to spend time with her and the kids rather than watch another episode of Band of Brothers. Thinking about it more there was a certain amount of self-centeredness to how I approached this weekend.
I don't want to cast a shadow on how great this weekend was, but hearing Kim tell me that helped me understand my need to engage better with my family. I need to spend more time playing with my kids, building towers, digging "dirt," and most of all make sure that my lovely wife knows how deeply I love her.
It's odd to say, but I think I was using Cancer as an excuse to sit on the sidelines and observe my family rather than jumping in head first and doing family life.
That changes now.