I am sitting across from my beautiful daughter who is feasting at the dinner table with a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and apple slices. She alternates between scoops of Cheerios and giving apple slices a final bath before meeting their demise. She is joined by her brother who quickly dives into a bowl of berries followed by hummus and pretzels per his request. Dinner was followed by a quick dance party ("shake a butt," to quote Alma) that quickly devolved into a race around the living room.
After a last minute slice of pizza, a quick change, and a book Alma was ready to count sheep. And right now Kim and I are chilling on the couch as Edmund plays for "a few more minutes" before joining his sister.
Quiet. I am alone with my thoughts as Kim puts Edmund to bed. I have been thinking a lot since my first post Phase One labs and MRI. Like I said in my last post, I really thought I would just breeze through this treatment, and not hit any road bumps. Well I did, and it really took the wind out of my sails. But after positive lab works this past Thursday, and some encouragement from friends and family I am feeling a bit more optimistic these days.
Nervous. That is how I feel right now. Tonight is the first of five days of Chemo. After that I will take the rest of the month off, and then repeat the process 11 more times. This time the dosage is stronger so I have to admit I am intimidated. The Docs and Pharmacists told me that since I handled the Chemo well the first time around I could have the same luck this time. I hope they are right.
Hopeful. While I may have had the wind taken out of my sails, and I am nervous about the next five days, I do want to say that I am hopeful. I have hope that I can beat Cancer. Whether it be through the power of prayer, or through the majesty of modern science I believe that I can be healed. And if not, and my days are numbered much less than expected, then I have hope in Jesus Christ. Ok, I don't want to turn this blog into some sort of proselytization tool, but I also do need to be me.
So, with that said here is what I mean by hope in Jesus. That he will help me through the process of death (of which scares me shitless), that he will meet me when I go to heaven, and most importantly that he will take care of those I leave behind. Especially my three.
And with that said, here begins Phase Two.