It's quiet in the Heidkamp Household. The kids are in bed, Kim is out for some much needed "Kim Time," and I am left with my thoughts. So before they get a wandering I thought I would write.
As you may have noticed it has been a while since my last post. That is due to a lot of things, but it can be boiled down to two things depression and pain. Either its anemia, general pain, being lost in thoughts about long I have the list could go on. I don't say this to garner empathy, but just to say this Cancer bullshit comes with some serious baggage. As a friend who lost a child to Cancer once said, "this is Cancer, it's not supposed to feel normal.
So what am I going to do with all this baggage?
Well counseling for starters. I begin sessions next week, and I must say if you got things to work through counselling is awesome. I have gone through it before for other reasons, this time just carries a bit more weight. I don't want to put that burden on a friend, they have enough to carry with my diagnosis. And it is nice to be able to unload on someone outside of my world who will have a more objective opinion.
Buy a blender. I fainted today in the shower due to malnutrition and the heat of the shower, I guess that is a thing. See either its Chemo, or just Cancer in general but my palate is jacked and not much sounds good to eat. Right now only smoothies and PB&J sandwiches sound good, I mean it could be a lot worst. So Kim went and picked up a blender and a bunch of frozen fruit. I am going to be like my one time hero Lance Armstrong and be a juicer.
Talk to my doctor. Well duh, shouldn't that be first on the list? Fair question, but it's odd how much you either forget to ask or are to stubborn to admit. So I will temporarily let go of that stubbornness and just ask lots of questions. This time about pain and energy.
I have to admit it feels good to write again. I am glad that I finally have the energy to do so.
An Assignment - The fainting was quite a scare, and an eye opener. We need to take good care of ourselves. So, think of a simple and small way to do so. It doesn't have to be huge (smaller steps are better anyway).