Honesty. If there is anything I want to be with this blog it is honest. I want you to know not only the details of what I am going through, but also how I feel about it.
Disillusionment is the fancy way of saying it. The more honest way to say it is, "oh yeah, I have Cancer."
So, before I say anything more I should give some context. Yesterday was my first MRI and blood draw post treatment to see how my body is reacting. The MRI was awesome, the Radiation and Chemo did its job. I have a follow-up MRI to see the progress as my brain heals from the Radiation. Isn't that weird, my doctors are hurting good cells while killing bad cells and my body has to heal from that while fighting cancer.
The not so good is news is that certain levels in my blood are too low to safely start treatment. My doctor said we could start Chemotherapy, but that it would be wiser to wait a week and see where my levels go. If things go back up naturally I have the green light to go, if not the docs may need to do a little bit of investigation.
That is where the, "oh yeah, I have Cancer" bit comes into play.
See I thought that I would crush it at Cancer. That I would kick it for some mystical number of years and then kaput I would die. And to be even more frank I totally thought that my life's trajectory would look like the housing crisis of 2008 and not the dwindling stock value of some out of date tech company. To be even more honest I thought I was going to kill it yesterday and move on with the next round of Chemo.
But that is not what happened this time, and now I must patiently wait till I can start Chemo.
I must admit that made me sad yesterday, and even today. But in this very odd game called Cancer there are going to be times where I kick it's ass and times where it kicks mine. Days that I feel up and ready to go, and days where I don't want to get out of bed. Because oh yeah, I have Cancer.